She is in my trunk
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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