Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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