Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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