i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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