apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
