I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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