Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
