he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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