Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
