what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
from now on my penis is your penis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
