I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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