he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
