i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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