I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
