Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
