i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He passed out mid-signature
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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