And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
