I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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