Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
