Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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