Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
