Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
