is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You took a bar mat shot.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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