Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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