WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
