her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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