"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
