It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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