i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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