Pappa wants mamma naked
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
