Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
