Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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