she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
