her vagine was all disorganized.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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