He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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