I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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