Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
