I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
