Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
