at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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