Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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