Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
