the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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