If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
