I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I faked an abortion last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
