no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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