Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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