The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
