You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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