the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
