You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
