I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
